Sophia

4th April 2024  by

The Proposal 

Poem: The Proposal

 

I think highly of you

Buy me a ring

Love me and all that!

Thanks in advance

 

Review: The Proposal

Whoa, Hang on! What’s just happened here? I barely get a chance to read and digest these words when I get a punch and met with a ‘straight to the matter poem!’ I blink and It’s over, but what it has left me with is an insatiable appetite for more. I need to know where it is going!

I’m teased at the start with a bit of praise in the first line. That’s nice. It’s good to be thought of highly isn’t it?  This is someone who is special and important right?

POW!

In comes next is the demand for a ring!

There’s no build up, no romance and no wooing.

Nonchalant the poet is when ‘love’ is mentioned with the accompanying words, ‘and all that’ Yes, I find that, all of it, hilarious. What exactly is the ‘all that’ I wonder? Surely It differs from couple to couple. There’s no blueprint with how to get things right from the start. The bending down on one knee. Offering a bunch of flowers and asking a father (any father) for a hand in marriage? To some, that would be viewed as romantic and to others a bit of a faff! Archaic or cute? Traditions can be funny and a million miles away from the realities of what is due to be presented in married life.  It appears to me that the poet is seeking commitment and is pretty sure they’ll get a ‘yes’ by thanking their ‘significant other’ in advance. I find that humorous.

By the sounds of it the poet has been waiting a mighty long time and doesn’t want to wait any longer. Very practical and time efficient to take this type of approach. They’ve gone beyond dropping a hint and have taken the bull by the horns!

Language used is short, surprising and speaks volumes. Message received loud and clear!

Not many, but enough words are spoken. A delectable bite sized, ‘amuse bouche’ of a poem and I do just that, I smile. A powerful and cheeky request!

A fun read

in Editorial / Poetry / reviews
29th March 2024  by

Grateful Boss



Poem: Grateful Boss



 

I’ll give you a wage, well done, it’s an honour for you to be here
.

Yes, a couple of grand less than advertised as that’s what you will get once you’ve proved yourself

in good time

You should be grateful!

I’ll give you a pay rise 
but then I’ll take it back because…

You’re saving money as you don’t need to commute that far into town

You should be grateful!

 

We’ll increase your hours from 35 to 40


Of course we won’t pay you because 40 hours is the norm.

We’ve actually been overpaying you up until now

You should be grateful!

 

I’ve changed my mind 
I’ve changed my mind again 
I’ve changed it back

What’s in the Christmas pay pack?

Something tasty of course

A mince tartlet or a pie?

You should be grateful

and not even think to ask why?

 

Let me ask ‘her’
 I’ll see what she has to say


She hates everyone anyway

You should be grateful she doesn’t show it

In fact you should all be grateful!

 

Review: Grateful Boss



The poem’s title is preparing me to be met with a description of a boss who is demonstrating their ‘gratitude’ and potentially being, on first impressions of them, a borderline lovely employer?

BUT loveliness, Oh no! Instead I’m met with an abrupt message of a pay cut at the ‘interview’ stage before the job has even been offered. There is a clear sign in the first stanza of that of the hierarchy and where the ‘gratitude’ should be placed.

Was the boss not expecting to give the future employee a wage? Is this all the boss’s thinking? This has to be a joke, right?  Just the act of being there at this establishment, wherever it is, should be enough of a shot in the arm. It’s positively a boost and that’s all that’s needed right?

‘Boosts’ indeed do pay bills, don’t they? Boosts put shoes on feet and zooms around the food on its way to you on that Deliveroo scooter!

By the looks of it, the interviewee has not had a chance to get a word in edgeways to respond. They must be in a state of shock?  Surely, they cannot be ‘grateful’ for this erm… ‘welcoming’ first impression of the company, the business or a hell in disguise?

Oh my! Shuddering at this I am (ish, but not by much). I soon realise they’ve got the job by the looks of it. Hurray, and yes to that? All is ok and well done.

They’ll be getting paid in that well known period of ‘good time’!

Oh, how reassuring a message that is (!)

First impressions eh? First Impressions.

The verbal mime act of an imaginary pay rise is offered but then immediately rescinded due to the commute further into town not being necessary. Oh, how kind a message it is! This must be a local position. How convenient.

Isn’t it an ‘interesting’ move, made by the boss, that they believe and can convince the employee to work extra hours and avoids paying for those hours by saying that they had been overpaying them in first place!

That’s bold and outrageous and yet they should be grateful?

I laugh out loud as I cannot believe that this level of twisted absurdity could happen in real life when a pay rise is being offered.

A stroke of genius to sell this idea?  Where has this idea come from I wonder? Did they learn this from another? Is it drug induced or some, seen-it-on-you-tube- DIY sorcery?

The boss must be clever and have a ‘way with words’ that’s convincing? Aren’t they being a thoughtful boss though?

NO, OF FLIPPIN COURSE NOT!

Yes, I am laughing out loud with incredulity. I’m not even halfway through the poem, BUT I have an idea as to where it may be heading and it isn’t somewhere rewarding!

Looking ahead at the Christmas period ‘Tis’ will be ‘the season’ (and all that). The boss is having pendulum, back and forth thoughts of what to offer staff at that time. Could it be an extra payment of some kind of a ‘bonus’ to reward loyalty, commitment and to say thanks?

So, what’s the motive? The goal? The target?  There has to be something of an incentive right?

Well yes, It’s that of a…

‘mince tartlet or a pie’ that’s what! Yummy times eh?

And even more gratitude is expected!

Oh, I’m going to burst as I cannot hold my laughter in for much longer!

What I find interesting is that ‘the boss’ has needed to ask a ‘She’ the question of what should the gift should be?. What has this ‘She’ got to say and who is ‘She’? I compose myself,  and dry my tears of laughter and then ponder… hmm.

 

It’s all making sense to me now!  

Sounds like the ‘she’ is another boss. A sleeping partner. She clearly holds the purse strings, makes the all-important money making and saving decisions to grow the business. She controls the budget but may only possess the sensitivity and personal skills of a biting gnat. She leaves the persuading and convincing side of the business to that of ‘the boss’ who does all the talking.

I detect that the boss is fearful of her and promotes the attitude of gratitude behind a mask of self delusion.

At the end of the poem, it appears that a meeting with other staff members has taken place. What’s concluded is that this other ‘She’ boss is full of contempt and yet all should be grateful she doesn’t show it!

Where to go after reading this poem?

OUT! that’s where.

And as far away as possible.

Never to see it, nor speak of it ever again.

This poet’s message serves as a warning to all and that’s to interview the interviewer! Look them in the eye. Don’t be fearful of turning to stone when doing so.

Don’t get sucked in or stay within someone else’s absurdity.

If it sounds too good to be true… Well this wasn’t at all in the first place was it? The signs were there.

It’s farcical!

I’m glad and grateful that I have consigned this unfortunate sitation to a place of fiction as surely it cannot be real, right?

A totally bonkers poem balancing drama and comedy. An entertaining read.

 

 

in Editorial / London / Poetry / reviews
26th March 2024  by

DIY

Poem: DIY – (haiku)

 

Do it yourself why?

Wonky haircut big fat whoops

Walk with head tilted

Review: DIY – (haiku)]

 

This ‘DIY’ poem sounds like it was created during the Covid 19 pandemic and worldwide lockdown when hair salons and barbers were closed.

Many folk were taking these severe DIY measures in their own hands resulting in creating their own unique hairstyles. Shocking times, in more ways than one!

I do like the compact nature of a haiku poem

With only three lines, they can be fun, straight to the point with succinct wisdom.

I find this ‘DIY’ poem humorous and punchy. For the person who has ‘done it themselves’, they’ve had to resort to walking in a way that balances out the hair style! That’s the only way to do it right?

Is that a good compromise?

Of course not!

When one sees socially distanced people dotted around town behaving in this way, it’s a sure sign that the skills of hairstylists are indeed essential.

A good hairstylist can work wonders and undoubtably rescue people and their hair with their stylist wizardry!

in Editorial / Poetry / reviews
26th March 2024  by

Big Indoors 

Poem: Big Indoors 

In one way

I’m going to miss you

You were always there if I needed you

Close by – ish

 

First thing on a Sunday morning

Evenings would be good too

Never on a Saturday

You must be joking

 

In another way

I’m glad to see the back of you

A Monstrosity,bold, expectant and not in disguise

By scented unlit candlelight you would hypnotise

With just one glance your colourful napkins would sit neatly and entrance  

 

Treats of many a variety

A few sweet, frozen and savoury

There were plastic flowers and exotic biscuits

Forever lengthy was your queue

I felt trapped but what could I do?

Oh, look above for the bread rolls, fish n’ chips and meatballs on your menu!

 

I would follow your trend

But like all things good and abysmal

they had come to an end

When I think of it,

I won’t miss you

Like I’ve said already

I’m glad to see the back of you

 

Cushions and cosiness

My life will resume to smelling of rosiness

Back home for my tea inside my own indoors and not yours

Using my own front door KEY– IKEA, IKEA bye bye

 

 

Review: Big Indoors 

 

An intriguing title. What exactly is it that’s big indoors? What is the thing? A dog, a person or a person’s ‘thing’ of some sort?

After reading the first stanza my imagination takes me to thinking of someone who has come to the end of a relationship with a lover where a loose routine of days and times of their ‘getting together’ for intimate moments had been established. Yes, I say ‘had’ as it’s all past tense and it’s finished. It’s over. Boo hoo right?

An end to the casual romantic rendezvous or it could be something that was defined as being more long term where contracts were signed, a few handshakes took place and cake featured etc. The point is, they will be missed wont they. Aww, I suppose? Endings are never nice they?

Just as I’m about to get a tad sorrowful I’m instantly met in the third stanza with there not being any love lost at all! What a sudden contrast eh? My blubbing has had to be put on hold.

The poet is pleased to see that it, the thing, has ended!  Phew eh? Hmm? Do they feel free and liberated?

Hold on! No one’s heart is broken here. Hurrah to that.

I then realise it’s not a person, no, but the featured monster is a money making culturally forming experiment on a large scale! Whoa!

By the sound of it, what has unfolded is a huge sheep pen-esque shopping experience for the masses within a massive warehouse!

Arrrrrrrrrrghhh! I sort of scream but not by much. I acknowledge it. I accept it. It’s a very clever idea. I mainly laugh because I can relate to what’s being said within the poem. I have experienced that obstacle course. I’ve been through it and come out. I have been bothered and I have benefited too.

Candlelight indicates, warmth and intimacy but seduction is unfurling with ‘unlit candlelight’ I find that humorous.The addition of shopping for food items with ‘fish & chips’ plus ‘meatballs’ I find hilarious. Cultural boxes have been ticked. Well done, whoever is to benefit.

In controlled, move it along zones, it tempts and provides and offers comfort like you’ve gone to visit your lover, a parent and your grandma all at the same time under one roof

Something for everyone right?

Well, yes. Be ready to be enchanted, lured, lassoed and to queue up for it!

It wasn’t a one off. The poet was curious, seduced and drawn into that way of living.

The insidious yet well-meaning monster that is big and bold appears to have moved away.

The poet has come to terms with it and has made time to reflect on the experience by appreciating their own home life.

In an ever competing-for-attention-world, as the reader I’m left with questioning what are in fact the important things in life?

A few smile inducing subtle rhymes throughout the poem with revelatory contrasts.

A fun read

in Editorial / food / Poetry / reviews
24th March 2024  by

I swear, it’s true!

Poem: I swear, it’s true!

If only you knew

I turn the air blue

I swear in my sleep

Words that would make your jaw drop and your grandma weep

The B words

The C words

The S’s  and that F

During daylight hours

I mutter these under my breath!

F f f f f f f f!

Review: I swear, it’s true!

 What is the poet promising to be true?

It appears to be a confession. Is it to be taken seriously?

A lot of cursing is taking place and whoever the poet is telling this to is likely to be  borderline shocked, right?

Surprising and revelatory in the clue of the title of poem

It must appear to be out of character from the sleepy perspective of the poet.

How do they know that they swear in their sleep? They must be told this by someone? The neighbours? Who they share their home or bed with? (I am not going to delve further, I’m not that curious. It’s not my business) I could hypothesise and propose that it could the any of those, or all three have led the poet to be swearing in the first place! Oh, what a torment!

The B words, I can think of three

C words, I can think of two (are there more?)

I can think of one of the S’s and of course there’s the F!

The poet continues with swearing during the day. There must be lots of stuff going on and the swearing helps to alleviate the annoyance and frustration!

Muttering doesn’t sound that bad as they do not appear to be directing it at anyone. There’s no aggression. No, I’m not making excuses for them. I’m observing and attempting to understand the poor b@&#ard!

Reading this has made me self-reflect, I jokingly utter the odd swear word here and there at situations and unfortunate circumstances unfold. When I fancy adding another dimension to it, I use another language. Like the poet, It’s true, I swear too!

A humorous conclusion of the poem with a row of strong f’s! FOR F’S sake!

A fun read.

in Editorial / Poetry / reviews